What International Women’s Day Means To Me

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I have to admit that even on the occasional off day, I have a pretty sweet life. And on most days I live a life of spectacular privilege.

I don’t say that to boast. I say it as an expression of gratitude. On this day particularly.

I know unconditional love. I am married to my soul mate, a sweet and funny man who keeps me honest. I have friends and family who remind me of my roots and remind me to grow. I have two beautiful nieces and two gorgeous nephews and a very special great-nephew. Their shining presence has me convinced our world has an amazing future.

I have a roof over my head, filled with comforts that I treasure and that nourish me.

I am proud to be Canadian. I have the right to vote and I am free to practice the religion of my choice. I have freedom of speech at a time when my voice is amplified through a myriad of social platforms like no other time in human history. I have the right to choose my lifestyle. I live a life of safety both in my own home and while I walk on the street.

With the several weeks of holidays I have every year, I can travel the world or appreciate what is in my own backyard. I can swim in the ocean, walk in the forest and listen to nothing but the wind and the birds. I can get inspiration from an art gallery or listen to live music that shapes my experience.

I am so blessed to have work that strengthens and inspires me. I have clients and collaborators that help me hone my craft.

I eat every day. I eat very well every day. I know I have access to clean drinking water, whenever I need it. I have my health. I know that I will be able to retire when I am ready and I will do so in comfort. I could live well into my nineties.

I have legs that allow me to dance, and a mind that can imagine what is possible. I have the ability to reflect on how my actions impact those around me. I have lived for 47 years with great memories and many lessons of wonderous and sometimes bumpy roads. I continue to learn important lessons every day.

I can get an education, buy a book or fund a movement with just the click of a button.

I have dreams. I will realize all of the ones I put my mind to. And I can change my mind.

I have all the conveniences that I could ever need and many, many more. I can think, I can imagine, I can ideate.

I have freedoms that my grandmother could never have imagined.

Hedonic adaptation suggests that I could become complacent with all of my blessings, leaving me dissatisfied and wanting more.

I also have the gift of choice.

And I choose not to take any of these riches for granted, not even for a moment.

I use my great fortune to fuel my work and the love I put back into the world.

Today is International Women’s Day. I know that I am among the most privileged on this planet. Today is a day of celebration. It is also a day of remembrance that millions of women around the world don’t have the same opportunities I have.

I will work to help end this disparity.

What does International Women’s Day mean to you?

 

Photo Credit:  Flickr (Creative Commons). Circle of Gulls. Anne Hatt


 

 

Turning Pro

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Turning Pro: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life’s Work

Turning PRO, Steven Pressfield’s latest book, was the first book I picked up in 2013 (http://www.blackirishbooks.com/store/turning-pro). It follows in the theme of facing one’s inner demons while doing creative work as have his previous books including, The Art of War and Do the Work.  Turning PRO is a powerful little book, to say the least.

While it was an easy read from a time perspective, it had the most profound effect on me. The book’s tagline is also the life’s work of this speaker and coach: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life’s Work. Pressfield speaks from a lifetime of experience which makes his calls to action that much more persuasive.

So what does it take to turn PRO? Does it mean hanging out a shingle? Turning a profit? Getting that certification? Having happy clients?

According to Pressfield, those who turn PRO engage in their true calling, and that requires significant effort and sacrifice. A calling requires you to be vulnerable and take risks. When you turn PRO your life becomes simpler, but not easy. Decisions about what to do and what not to do can be made quickly. Clarity brings focus and focus brings productivity.

For many, the defense mechanism is to develop a “shadow” career or calling, as a distraction – a surrogate for our true calling. It may be surprisingly similar to our true calling, except it feels very safe.

So we stay.

I took a slightly deeper breath in an attempt to more deeply process this…:

It is a surrogate to our calling.

How we spend our time may provide further clues that we haven’t yet turned PRO. You don’t have to look far to see the myriad of possible distractions in our society. Distractions (insert your distraction task here) are everywhere, waiting to captivate us. Pressfield reminds us that this is our defense mechanism’s way of keeping us comfortable but not happy (and certainly not doing what we need to be doing).

All of this introspection requires us to shed a skin that we are wearing. A skin that we forget isn’t really us. A skin that actually prevents us from living a real life as a PRO.

So, as any coach worth her salt would have to ask:

“Is there anything that is distracting me from being a PRO”?

Thanks to the wisdom of Charlie Gilkey at Productive Flourishing (http://www.productiveflourishing.com), I’ve identified the beginning of the day as the time when I am at my most productive (http://www.productiveflourishing.com/how-heatmapping-your-productivity-can-make-you-more-productive) and I use this creative time for mindfulness practices, planning, creating programs, drafting keynotes and writing. So by 11:00 o’clock in the morning I am now getting done as much as I historically did in an entire day. I have more energy and I am creating more momentum.

and

I don’t watch much TV. I consume the news in a way that I chose to. I don’t shop or eat as distraction tasks. I am mindful of the time I spend online.

Have I turned PRO? My sense is that turning PRO is a practice, much like running or yoga. It’s a work in progress.

Pressfield’s book concludes beautifully. I won’t give the ending away because I really would like for you to read the book. It is for everyone who cares about the work that they do, everyone who has a mission in life. It will take a few hours out of your life and it just might change everything.

If you’ve already turned PRO, congratulations. I am here to support you in doing your best work.

If you’re ready to turn PRO, I offer you an even bigger congratulations. It takes courage to take that next step. I can help with you realize the clarity and focus you deserve.

Your Best Year Yet!

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Photo Credit: http://www.facebook.com/Yourbeautifullife

It’s already deep into January. Have you kept up with your resolutions? Or are you like most people and feel like you are faltering a little or perhaps a lot? Even if you aren’t the resolution type I think there will be food for thought in this post.

Now is the time to cut yourself some slack; you are human and you don’t need to turn on a dime to make important changes in your life.

The beauty of changing behaviour is to decode what works. What conditions create the tipping point? Change often comes in quiet, small steps rather than through a grand transformation. This is precisely the reason that when I was doing my business planning earlier this week I wore a necklace with a turtle emblem. Slow and steady is how I work best, and is often how change happens.

Here are my three “go to” tools for creating momentum in life and business:

1. Start small. Then start even smaller than that. When I think about all the significant changes I’ve ever made in my life they have always started will a tiny act. Before checking your e-mail, spend five minutes reading something you’ve been dying to get your hands on. Take just a few minutes and sketch out a plan for the new business you are dreaming about starting. Write out a to-do list so you can get all of the details out of your head.

You don’t even have to start tackling your list; simply getting it all down on paper can be very liberating. Far more importantly, this will help free your mind for more creative pursuits. Your brain has now been given a challenge – one that it relishes and will immediately start to work on solving – all while you are going about your day.

2. Consistency is key. This is the ideal antidote to the resistance we often feel about taking on a new behaviour. It is far better to engage in a task for a few minutes every day than to take on a huge bite once a week. This is why many start out with lofty goals on January 1st, only to admit defeat well before spring arrives.

3. Recognize that change comes only when you are intrinsically motivated. In his book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, Dan Pink provides compelling evidence that external motivation, e.g., carrots and sticks, don’t significantly change behaviour (http://www.danpink.com/books/drive). The holy trinity to motivation is:

1. Autonomy

2. Mastery

3. Purpose.

Autonomy speaks to our need to choose our own methods in how we get things done. No one appreciates being dictated to. No one likes to be boxed in. So make changes in the way you know works for you. Please do it your way.

Mastery: To tap into mastery, consider athletes or musicians – professional or otherwise. What drives them is the pursuit to become better at something they know they will never perfect. The easiest way to tap into mastery is to take on activities that are neither too easy nor too hard. Pink describes these as “Goldilocks” tasks. An additional benefit is that this approach is a great antidote to getting unstuck.

I’ve left Purpose to discuss last because it holds so much power. Why you get up each day? Why you do the work that you do? Why do you make sacrifices for you’re your family and your community? Why do you keep going, when at times you feel like you are pushing a big rock up the hill only to have it roll right back down again?

It is because you have a vision that is much bigger than yourself. You see the possibility of a much better world; a world worth your dogged persistence.

I hope you will start now.

I wish you a year of growth, love, abundance and challenge that is worthy of your talent and wisdom. 

I know you will shine.

What I Learned This Year

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Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/daveynin/6027218091/sizes/z/in/photostream/

You have one life. That means what you do and who you do it with matters. Life is far too short and precious for work and life that don’t fill you up.

Life and work are one. I’ve found over the year that I’ve been most happy and satisfied when I didn’t partition up work versus personal. Create a whole life that brings out your best.

The answers are all within you. Years ago my best friend Christina started the moniker “it’s all in you” to replace the tried and true “good luck.” It’s easy to look outside for answers, to that next e-course or the next word from your guru. This year I’ve started to listen to my own wisdom more and it has paid off. I feel stronger, more rooted, more confident and happier for it.

We are all looking for a greater sense of meaningful connection. I’ve been honoured to be a part of several hubs, including Power Boost Marketing with Pam Slim (http://powerboostmarketing.com), Gretchen Pisano (http://www.soundingboardink.com), in her work with Applied Positive Psychology, Michele Woodward’s coaching community (http://michelewoodward.com),The Lift Off Community with Pam Slim and Charlie Gilkey (http://www.liftoffretreat.com), and most recently Slow Food (http://slowfood.to), and the Centre for Social Innovation (http://socialinnovation.ca).

Ask for help. People are often more than willing to help, but they can’t read your mind. Everyone is too busy to know what you need. Asking is an act of grace. Let people share their expertise and talent with you. You will do the same for them.

Step out and step up. Life is short, even if you live to be 90 or more. Every decision you make, everything you say yes to, and everything you say no to shapes the path of your life. Make each day matter.

Daily practices and routines will shape you. I’ve been doing Julia Cameron’s (morning pages (http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/), for over four years now. Early each morning I free write three pages. This process clears my head. It helps me makes sense of the world. During the year I’ve added to this writing time. I’ll create an intention for the day, look at my goals for the year and quarter, and plan my day based on my strengths. I know that these practices make me far more focused and productive than spending those early morning hours at my computer.

Everyone has a story, often an incredible one if you take the time and care to ask. I have learned that particularly through listening to my coaching clients, taking to conference attendees and attending Pecha Kucha (http://www.pechakucha.org) and MoMonday events (http://momondays.com) where open mike-night meets the TED talk. Powerful stories…

Each one of us has unique gifts. I think of these as inherent strengths that are of great need of in the world. Since we live and breath them every moment of every day, we often lose perspective and fail to recognize how rare and important these strengths are. If you are unable to identify them, ask a friend or colleague to interview you and record the conversation. This simple methodology never ceases to amaze me. It will amaze you.

Please stop trying to fix what you aren’t good at. Delegate, drop or otherwise devise a plan to unload this heavy weight onto those for whom these are strengths. Embrace the fact that you will never be a tech wiz or a math scholar. You never need to be.

There are only important lessons to learn. It wasn’t a failure and you don’t need to be fixed. Changing direction, starting again, taking a different path and falling flat on your face (especially if you end up getting up) are not failures. Every lesson you learn will serve you in ways you can’t possibly imagine. Plan B or C is often more rewarding and exciting than going down a straight ol’ road. A Senior policy advisor, Rebecca Rabiey, turned tree farmer who co-founded http://www.thecarbonfarmer.ca, with her husband Brad Rabiey and a basketball player turned urban farmer, educator and soil advocate (http://www.growingpower.org/about_us.htm). They each had a unique contribution to make, and had to push through obstacles that would have stopped others in their tracks.

Here is a list of this year’s lessons:

You have one life.

The answers are all within you.

We are all looking for a greater sense of meaningful connection.

Ask for help.

Step out and step up.

Daily practices and routines will shape you.

Everyone has a story.

Each one of us has unique gifts.

Stop trying to fix what you aren’t good at.

There are only important lessons to learn.

With gratitude,

 

A Pep Talk for Undeclared Heroes

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Undeclared Heroes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few years ago I saw Seth Godin speak live. He was just as I had imagined, engaging and charming, a wonderful, wise storyteller. He talked about being a linchpin – someone who makes themselves indispensible (http://sethgodin.typepad.com/files/thelinchpinmanifesto.pdf). He talked about stepping up. He asked those of us in the vast audience if we were willing to stand up and declare that we would lead. It took me more than a second but I finally stood.

I value what Seth has to say. He has no hidden agenda. His calls to action are consistent and worthy of my attention. He does what he does solely because he cares and he believes. I am a linchpin. I will ship – Seth’s lingo for putting stuff out into the world.

I will lead.

And so will you.

I stood when Seth asked because he is my hero and when your hero believes with such conviction, it seems that there is nothing more you truly want to do.

“But who am I to _______?”

Everyone on this planet (even the very best of us) has had that thought, sometimes so frequently and loudly that we are completely paralyzed.

It doesn’t stem from a lack of faith or trust in one’s abilities. It’s that who you are about to step into hasn’t been before. What you are about to embark on simply hasn’t been done before.

It’s simply hard for the human brain to comprehend what isn’t yet…

It may feel insurmountable and that’s okay.

You will only realize you are capable when you’ve done what you set out to do.

Or more.

So continue to innovate, continue to change policy, continue to create greater social connection, continue to create better food systems and cleaner water.

Continue. 

I’ve learned that a lack of faith doesn’t predict mediocrity or failure. Giving up does.

The world needs you, as Seth reminds his audiences over and over. Like with any call to action, with any hero’s journey, it takes time to hear the call. It takes time to resist (and reject) the call. And it takes time to finally accept the call and to stand.

You may feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. People stand on the shoulders of giants. You are the giant. Stand tall. You are needed.

You aren’t alone. You may not know it yet but so many people out here have your back. Including me.

You are the giant. Stand tall. You are needed.

Tis the Season for a Slow, Green Christmas

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Photo Credit: http://bit.ly/YfmEGu

Even the most organized among us can find this time of year a bit stressful; between work and social obligations, cookie exchanges, sending holiday cards and tree-trimming, it’s not easy always being merry in the midst of all the activities of our daily lives.

This post is a tribute to a slow, more meaningful Christmas.

1. Take time for yourself and create a list a “Joy List.”

What are some brief activities you can engage in for no other reason than they make you happy? They don’t have to take much time or cost any money, so tap into your creativity. The three things at the top of my joy list are listening to jazz music (Emile-Claire Barlow’s Winter Wonderland never fails to put me in a festive mood), making an old fashion English pudding, and watching A Charlie Brown Christmas (I never tire of this charming story, nor the original soundtrack by the Vince Guaraldi Trio), while munching on crunchy kettle chips and my grandmother’s recipe for shrimp dip (sustainably sourced of course).

Once you’ve got between 20-50 items on your list, choose one or two of the activities and see how they change your mood. Science says that you will give you an emotional boost.

2. Think about what you can drop from your to-do list.

At first many find this difficult, but not saying yes to every request is decidedly liberating. Taking on activities that leaves your jaw clenched doesn’t really get anyone in the holiday spirit anyways. For me, I stopped decorating a Christmas tree. I live in a condo and the space is much better suited to hanging fir wreaths and garlands. Taking things off your list will free up more time for saying yes to the things on your Joy List.

3. Shop locally for your gifts.

Most cities and towns have farmers’ and Christmas markets where you can find beautifully, handcrafted and locally-made wares. Another terrific option is to makes gifts yourself. Who wouldn’t want a box of homemade shortbread cookies to feast on? If you spent part of your summer and fall preserving the harvest, give some of your strawberry jam or peach chutney. This will be far more memorable than receiving another winter scarf (unless it’s handmade).

4. Do differently.

A few years ago I mentioned to friends that perhaps we should forgo our December get together and schedule something for January. I could hear an audible sign of relief at the other end of the phone. We ended up enjoying our January soiree much more than if we had managed to cram it into an already packed holiday schedule.

5. Give a “One Less Gift” Certificate.

This is a great suggestion that comes from Francine Jay who writes at: http://www.missminimalist.com. Here is a link to a PDF copy for you to print out: http://bit.ly/Y9A31C. You’ll also find 10 other ways to enjoy the holiday season while sparing our planet’s resources.

6. If you are looking for some more inspiration. Here is my holiday post from last year. http://thewayfindingcoach.com/all-i-want-for-christmas.

Happy holidays to everyone! May your world be filled with peace and much love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What it Takes to Grow a Business

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Back in the spring I bought an orchid to thank my Accountant, Ruth for all her thoughtful advise and hard work in managing my corporate year-end. As a business owner, Ruth is very important to me. I’ve had the pleasure of working with her for the past decade on my personal taxes, and the last four years on my  corporate year-end.

On my trip home I decided to pick up a second orchid, this one for me to enjoy at home. It had a long strand of gorgeous bright pink and white flowers that continued to bloom for more than three months. By mid-summer the flowers had faded and fallen off the plant’s now long and woody stock, and I was left with only a few leaves peeking out of the flowerpot.

Orchids are known for being difficult to grow, but there was a possibility of it blooming twice in a year. I felt I really had nothing to lose. I investigated how to care for my dormant orchid, kept it out of drafts, watered it infrequently and waited.

Last week I noticed a tiny little shoot coming from the middle of the plant. It might soon become a new flower. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. Yet it may be months before I actually see it bloom again.

And it might not bloom at all.

It’s the same with business. You invest your time, energy and love into something that is beautiful, all the while knowing that it may not come to fruition. You nurture your work in the dormant phases, with the hopes of new growth in the future.

You continue to invest while cultivating the soil and planting new seeds.

Then it is partly an exercise in faith.

You wait.

You are patient even though you have no idea what the outcome will be.

And when the blooms comes, it’s a reason to celebrate. It if doesn’t, you can appreciate the importance of the experience and all the lessons learned.

There are new projects to cultivate now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s Decision Time!

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It’s Decision Making Time!

If you are like most of us, you are being asked to make more and more decisions and those decisions are getting tougher to make and they are probably wearing you down.

Here is an easy decision making tool I’ve adapted from the book by Susan Jeffer: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway (http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/index.cfm?CFID=1900562&CFTOKEN=82621536) that will get you quickly unstuck. I’ve used this tool personally and professional with great results. Let me know what success you have with this tool in the comments below.

Here is to empowered decision making!

Natalie

P.S. The video will play twice. Feel free to stop it at minute 1:31 and start working on your brainstorm, if you like.

Are You a Tough Nut to Crack?

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Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/calliope/267994814/

Last weekend I was out camping; the last trip of the season. The fall is a particularly beautiful time for camping. It’s the perfect time in central Ontario to appreciate the changing colours of the leaves – amber, burnt orange, ruby red, deep purple. The cool temperatures means the bugs have gone, ensuring itch-free hikes in the forest, while the earlier nightfall allows for longer visits around the campfire.

It’s also at this time of year that acorns are bountiful. Thwack, the small little orbs smash to the ground. Most survive their fall intact, landing on the packed earth. Some are cracked open as they hit a rock or a tree stump; just as Mother Nature intended…to ensure that new trees will grow in the coming year and the forest will continue to thrive.

It made me think how this is a perfect metaphor for how we flourish as humans. It’s when we fall and we are cracked open that change enters our live, allowing new seeds to take root. We spend so much of our lives trying to protect ourselves from this kind of trauma and yet it’s the change that we desperately need. Change that enriches us in some way, yet change that we might not otherwise welcome into our lives.

I think about all the times that I’ve fallen and I’ve been cracked wide open. It hurts, it’s scary, I’ve felt vulnerable to the elements. But in retrospect, I am always so grateful for those experiences that I wouldn’t have otherwise invited and have made me better in some way.

For example, needing to work for two years after high school to pay for university, my decision to leave my corporate life (six figures and all), when I no longer felt I fit in or when the economy shifted in 2009 and I had to take a hard look at what I wanted for my business and what I needed to unpack and leave behind.

These experiences made me stronger, wiser, more compassionate and more resilient.

So what I discovered that beautiful, quiet fall weekend, amongst the oak and poplar and blue jays and acorns, is that falling can be a grace if we allow it to be. A generous gift from nature. A direct route to the growth that we all seek.

How have you been cracked open?

How has it enriched your life?

The Paradox of Choice

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Every few months I find myself at one of my favourite fresh food restaurants in Toronto, called Fresh (http://www.freshrestaurants.ca/). The menu offers an extensive selection of fresh-squeezed juices, smoothies, appetizers, soups, salads, rice and noodle bowls, sandwiches and a few desserts; all vegetarian and most vegan. Every time I eat there I vow that I will try something new.

Every single time. And every time I order the same thing. Beet, apple and ginger juice with the barbeque burger (a vegan patty topped with barbeque sauce and two quinoa-coated onion rings. I always add cheddar cheese and salad greens in lieu of the bun.

A few weeks ago, when I met Farnoosh Brock of http://www.prolificliving.com and Beverly Golden of http://www.beverleygolden.com/ for a late lunch meet-up at Fresh, I did what I always do, I ordered my usual.

Why?

I love to try new food. So why do I end up making the same choice, every time?

When people are offered a number of choices our brains have a difficult time with this task. The barrage of choice is too much for the brain to handle. We are often left feeling so overwhelmed with abundance that we make very poor choices, or as illogical as it may seem, we make no choice at all!!

“Too much choice is leaving us feeling paralyzed and dissatisfied,” according to Barry Schwartz in his book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less (http://www.amazon.com/Paradox-Choice-Why-More-Less/dp/0060005696/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1348599479&sr=1-1&keywords=paradox+of+choice).

Think about the dazzling options available to you: the food you can purchase in a grocery store or at restaurant (not to mention all the possible grocery stores and restaurants to choose from), consumer products, media outlets, online distractions, career choices, hobbies, next vacation spots, the list goes on and on.

Because your brilliant brain already has a lot going on, this dazzling array of bright shiny options is simply overwhelming. In order to manage all the complexity in our world, it does what any intelligent life force would do, it shuts down in order to stop from overheating (metaphorically speaking).

Dan Chip and Heath Chip describe this phenomenon in their book Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard (http://www.heathbrothers.com/switch), where in one scenario employees had the opportunity to voluntarily participate in a retirement investment plan – 401 (k) with more than two choices. In this study, for every 10 options their company offered, the rate of participation went down by two percent, even though the employer was matching the employees’ contributions.

Other have described this phenomenon as well. Speaker and author, Marcus Buckingham in his book Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently (http://strengthscampus.com/page/find-your-strongest-life) reports that that up until the age of 46 women are as happy as men but at the tender age of 47 (the age I am now, incidentally), something insidious happens and the pivot point changes; women’s happiness starts to decline; that is they reach the point they become less happy than men. Buckingham argues that it’s because as women reach their forties they add more and more obligations to their to-do list without anything falling off: caring for children, building careers, caring for parents and, when time permits, caring for themselves. They have so many obligations that it becomes overwhelming.

Of course choice is important in our lives. Autonomy is one of the three pillars of intrinsic motivation, as Dan Pink reminds us in his book, Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us: (http://www.danpink.com/drive). We need to retain the ability to choose and make decisions that are aligned with our values. However, more choice doesn’t make us happier. In fact, more choice leaves us feeling dissatisfied, less happy and even regretful. According to Schwartz, we always wonder if we made the right choice.

What I am most concerned about from a coaching perspective are the stories that my clients tell themselves. They often internalize their poor decision-making or lack of progress. They blame themselves, which continues to keep them stuck. They often live with regret. They blame themselves for paths not taken. They wonder, “What if?” All of this significantly jeopardizes an individuals level of happiness and well-being according to Barry Schwartz.

Here’s how I get back to basics with making choices: When faced with making a decision (ranging from trivial to important), I intelligently look at the facts, check in with my strengths and values and select two options (three at the very most). Then I decide. Then I let it go. I suggest the same formula to my clients.

So the next time I go to my favourite restaurant, I make my choices with ease and I enjoy my dining experience that much more.

Can you relate to feeling overwhelmed by choices you are faced with making? How do you respond to the paradox of choice? What one or two things could you do to make that just a little easier for you? 
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